Am I the only one?

We bloggers are amazing! We continue posting - though we know that half the posts will fade into this virtual oblivion without anyone have read or seen it even once!

But isn't that the same about life as well? One may not always have an audience - but that is no less motivation to continue living!

--Virtually Yours

Take Charge of My Life!

Have you heard the Air Supply Song "Just when I thought I was over you"? Sometimes life is like that. It plays the same old trick on you and catches you unaware just when you think you've finally got over everything. At least I go through this phase quite often - making the same mistakes, hurting the same ones who love and swearing all over again that this is THE last time! Yeah, that's life! But I know, that's no excuse! I'm learning... though very slowly.

I guess I've mellowed down over the years - rather tamed down, I'd say! I no more have strong feelings about those radical views I held. Day by day I'm also realizing that it is my LORD's strength that leads me on - not my confidence, not my merits, not my support systems. I'm also delighting in the serene peace that canopies me when I trust HIM with my life. I've learnt the hard way that I do not have the wisdom, nor the skill, to unfold my life; HE can do it so artistically, so methodically, and so very well.

This Sunday heard about NOT settling with the 'Ishmaels' in life, like Abraham tended to do initially, rather than waiting for the 'Isaac' to come. I had compromised too - with situations, people, values, standards, behaviour, morals... All those compromises had left behind Ishmaels! But the Almighty was so gracious, so mindful and never held back the promised Isaac! Do I have words to describe that perfect work of love and grace!

Yes! The bottom line is - the Battle belongs to the Lord!

-Virtually Yours

Trying to break the impasse...

I'm dying to get back to this space! But work is keeping me engaged (ahem... ahem.. a decent excuse, I guess!)

Life is moving on, not waiting for me to keep a record of it or bothering whether I had actually made a note of it! That's the beauty of it too, I guess. Learnt a lesson or two in the meanwhile, which I shall be sharing soon, not now. I'm moving ahead too... Isn't it amazing that people change in ways that never cease to surprise you! And, I believe that all changes happen for the better, if not for the best. Nevertheless, certain relationships remain the same, even when people change. To save myself from the danger of getting into another charged discourse on relationships, which by the way is something I love to do, let me get back to work, which is waiting for me in the form of an unfinished word document - that too, a newly downloaded MS 2007!! Boy, I must say, I love it!

Till we meet again in this world of anonymity...

-Virtually Yours

On top of two wheels - Part One

I'm doing something which I had wanted to do all my life - learning cycling! Very few people know that I was suffering from a major two-wheeler phobia. The very thought of two wheels balancing all by themselves was kind of suspiciously scary. Like all kids I also had a tri-cycle but I don't remember being crazy about my cycle like most kids are. When my friends started learning cycling, I thought I too should. And, my dad was more than willing to teach but I was a pathetic learner and the lessons ended very fast! On that same cycle my brother learnt cycling, without anyone training him at all. I forgot about all that pretty fast as there were more interesting things in life to explore.

I thought about cycling again when my mother learnt to ride a two-wheeler!! And she started going for work on that! Incredible, indeed! But... that also left me with some strange inferiority complex! (I can imagine my mom staring at me, mouth agape, trying to comprehend what I meant... dad, walking away with that subtle smile of his... brother, laughing out aloud... and husband, giving me one of those exasperate looks which can mean a million things that I do not want to describe here now). Anyways, by then it was too late. There was no cycle available, and even if I could get hold of a cycle, no trainer! Dad, will not try again. Brother, would be skeptical. Besides, I was away from home. And, husband, wouldn't even bother! Mom, I know would be extremely encouraging but she can't be a trainer!

I've been here in this vast beautiful campus for more than a year now and I always knew that it was now or never. Mom used to remind me once in a while but I couldn't really bring myself up to ask anyone 'Hey, wanna teach me ride'? Sounded silly... till a close friend started learning! I could feel the adrenalin rush but didn't dare to make the move... till another close friend, who happens to be my coach now, gallantly offered to train me!

Came across this quote and found it perfect for this post:

Consider a man riding a bicycle. Whoever he is, we can say three things about him. We know he got on the bicycle and started to move. We know that at some point he will stop and get off. Most important of all, we know that if at any point between the beginning and the end of his journey he stops moving and does not get off the bicycle he will fall off it. That is a metaphor for the journey through life of any living thing, and I think of any society of living things.
~William Golding


I'm now beginning to see cycles, cyclists, cycling with a new found respect! And, I'm discovering another side of my own self - which may nor may not be worth unveiling, only time can say.

[To be continued...]

Virtually (and cyclingly) yours

I'm saying it aloud!!

I love the surprises that life springs upon me! Some of them land with a thud when I least expect them... and I get hurt too. But that doesn't make me love them any less. My biggest and shocking surprises come within packages of relationships. I have seen the biggest of enemies turning into the closest of buddies and the closest of buddies walking away without ever looking back! I have seen people who are less than acquaintances carving out a space for themselves in my life while the ones who were always already there were behaving like strangers. I have borne with people whom I don't care a damn for and I have been indifferent to the ones who cared enough to forgive that indifference. Relationships are the ultimate wonders of life!

Here I go with some rare musings that I can't hold back!

I've been married for three years to the man whom I met six years back and he's yet to give me a reason to regret it! Six years! It's a long time... but he has not ceased to surprise me. Sometimes I surprise myself! Just when I get into this 'I-know-what-it-takes' mode I'll be startled into a new realization and I love it as much as I hate it!

His patience tires me out but he's not yet tired of letting me tire out of it.
He may not be able to turn the world upside down for me, but I know that he'll at least try and shake it a little for me!
He may not know what it takes exactly, but whatever it takes I know that he's there!
He may not always understand how or why I end up in a chaotic mess, but he's there to pull me out, no matter what! And, if he can't pull me out, he jumps in right there with me!!
He may not appreciate when I take the 'wrong' step but he continues to walk with me!
He loves me because.... he loves me! And there is no better or worse reason that can take it away!

When a man loves a woman for what she is, when a man loves a woman in spite of what she is... you know that it is a blessed relationship, a gift from God, that no one can ever destroy. I'm proud to say, I've been blessed abundantly.

Well... perhaps it was way too personal and mushy for public consumption and a little sentimental! But what else do you expect when I'm all set to celebrate three years of our togetherness... and tolerance for each other!

To this couple who stayed put throughout, I propose this post as a toast! Way to go...

--Virtually Yours

Do You Really Need a Title?

Over the years I have kind of figured out that the mistakes and blunders that I commit are more or less of the same nature! I have never really learnt from my mistakes but I have just learnt how to handle them better and how to wriggle out of them safely without hurting anyone and without getting hurt myself!! (It may not always be a successful attempt, anyways). I know, this sounds rather corny and totally unimpressive and not in the least comforting. The object and objective of my vices may have varied but the the nature of the vices have remained quite similar. I'm not a transparent being and I would ideally recommend some amount of discretion always in everything - so not ready to delve into the details of the vices per se! Nevertheless, I'm fighting my way through these vices and I have no intentions of growing old with them. Must get rid of them - and rid I will.

Blogging can be a cathartic experience, I realize. Acknowledging and admitting certain thoughts to one's own self can be a rather unique and liberating encounter. It may not happen even in an intimate one to one conversation. As for me, written words give a power and confidence that nothing else can render. Well, I'm not a bad conversationalist, either - just in case anyone tends to attribute the preference for the written medium to the inefficacy of my oral skills!! :-)

Even to the closest of my friends the blog-side of me may come in as a surprise - and, therein lies the thrill of this flirtation with the virtual world!

--Virtually Yours

Thinking of them... in a BIG way!

Like all ambitious bloggers, I too started off with all noble intentions of being regular... Anyways, let's not talk about that!

Some moments of indecisiveness or some moments of absolute craziness has the potent to change our lives, if not completely toss us up on the air. Those are the moments which make sense only when they are perceived and read without the framework of our linear time. And, more often than not, those are the moments which might have given us immense pleasure, immense joy and immense contentment, though short lived. I tend to condemn those moments but then I do not deny that at times they assume the centre page of our lived history at least for a while. Those moments show us for what we are and separate the wheat from the chaff! The folly of those moments, the pleasure of those moments, the brokenness of those moments, the tears of those moments, the laughter of those moments, the disappointments of those moments, the learnings of those moments, the realizations of those moments... they last a life time, whether you want them or not. They may not always be painful but they are sure to linger on with the fragrance of nostalgia. The best of those moments are those which bring a warm smile to your face, those which you can recall without a flicker of regret.

Some say it is not healthy to dwell in the past, but is it not the past that has shaped our present, and is it not the past which has already laid the foundations for our future? Is it not the past that has outlined our dreams and gave wings to our imagination? Is it not the distant past which taught us the who and what and how and where and why and when of life? Nevertheless, I don't turn around to look at my past. But, I think, I have carried a bit of my past with me with photographic memory. There are frozen moments which I cherish and treasure. There were some moments which could only kindle hurt, regret and anger - I have allowed them to melt down and disappear into the ocean of unrecorded memoirs. Some were so frozen and hard that they required the warmth of someone else to melt it down, though gradually. Now, when I take a trip down memory lane, opening some caskets to admire those pearls, crystals and withered flowers, I do come across some stones and thorns. But I don't want to throw them off - they had made me stronger and they were God-sent. The ones who threw the stones and stuck in the thorns were just instruments in God's hands; the stones and thorns were made by my Father in Heaven, especially for me! To try, test and accept me into His fold!!

In one of my favourite movies, Before Sunrise, Julie Delpy's character says, "God is in the space between people as they try to connect". I don't buy any corny ideas about God as I am fully assured of His real presence in my creation, in my life, in my future and in my eternity. However, I find the idea of God's presence in the space between people absolutely thrilling. Seeing God's presence in these gaps would certainly make this world a better place, would certainly change our behaviour for the better.

Are my thoughts addressed to any one? Of course, there are a series of faces and situations that run through the reel of my mind with every thought that passes by... But I may not dare to address those faces or situations. They are best left alone in the blissful obscurity that makes life a charming adventure.

Yours Virtually.